hey you! yes, i am talking to you! how'd you find my online journal?
well, lucky you. you are now privy to my innermost thoughts and
feelings. well, most of them anyway.
and if by chance you know me, or know any of the people in my life, i ask you not to judge them based on what you see here. this is, after all, just my side of things.
**edit**
i've actually moved twice since I posted this, I went from Blogspot to Cdnhost.net to Deeplist.com, and now I'm staying at Neopages.net. so just in case you happened to come to this old page, just click the URL to find where I moved my blog to.
did i spell that one right? anyway, the advantages of an official holiday is no traffic in the streets as you speed off to work. yes, i had work this morning. the kids that cancelled last Saturday due to the rains were re-scheduled for today. at least i got my paycheck, although it is substantially lower than usual.
heavy rains = flooding/sick kids = cancelled therapy = no earnings for therapist
for once, i couldn't care less about the elections today. i was all worked up about the last elections and i felt that whoever was apathetic enough not to vote deserved whatever clowns were elected into office. now i'm on the other side of the fence.
maybe my current apathy is because these are only local elections at the barangay level. spposedly, you should be able to see more concrete changes since the candidiates walk the same streets and experience the same problems (floods, garbage, etc.) that you do. also the candidates are not necessarily traditional politicians who have spent their entire career in the political arena, but civic leaders who take an active interest in community affairs. who am i kidding? it's the same list of names every year. and although the names ring a bell, i have no idea if they actually accomplished anything during previous terms of office.
but how will we recognize those achievements? hopefully it doesn't have to be painted on to a brand new waiting shed at every corner: Project of So and So. or worse, just their name emblazoned on the wall, as if it were their personal funds and not the taxpayers who paid for the construction.
so it's a Catch 22 then. damned if you do, damned if you don't. what should the voting public do?
i seem to be immobilized by my perfectionism. i cannot bring myself to start a simple task because i want to execute it perfectly. and the thought of the task is daunting in itself. moreso when i think of how many similar tasks i have yet to accomplish.
i am talking about paperwork. although an essential part of my work, it is the part i dislike the most. what i love most about my work is the interaction. a child, eager to start the session, runs up to me with a hug. a parent discusses her concerns about her child, and mentions that her son is improving in school. setting up a conference with a child's teachers to discuss what ADHD is and how they can help the child. seeing a child finally remember how to spell his name. witnessing a child go from unable to crawl to toddling all over the place. a mom bringing you some food to thank you for helping her daughter. those are the perks in my line of work.
the reason why paperwork is so daunting is that i have to document exactly the baseline condition, improvements made, and goals for therapy. it is often hard to explain what we do and why we do it, for to the casual onlooker a therapy session looks like mere child's play. that's what makes paperwork a necessary evil, one that i have to gather up my wits and my courage to conquer.
my mom was raving yesterday about the tiramisu she had eaten at CPK. i can imagine her pausing with her fork halfway to her mouth and exclaiming, "ang sarap talaga nito!" except she and her friend stopped raving when they saw the bill. for two slices of tiramisu, a cup of coffee, and a cup of tea, the grand total came to a whopping 700 pesos.
even when my mom told us the story, and complained about the exorbitant bill, she would interrupt herself and say, "pero ang sarap talaga non." it had better be good, if you're paying that much for it!
my sister and i were contemplating (yeah, just not thinking, but *contemplating* ) about having crepes delivered to the house from Frio Mixx. but after the cake story, we opted to go to the bakeshop on our street corner instead. make a wild guess what cake we bought. Ü
it was pretty good, but my mom still maintained that CPK's tiramisu was better. although we did pay less for the entire cake than my mom did for the two slices.
i spent the other part of the morning reading a book i found lying baout the house. Yoga, Youth and Reincarnation by Jess Stearn. Yoga seems interesting, and the physical and emotional benefits look appealing. i wonder if there are any places to learn yoga around the area.
have been depriving myself of sleep lately. my evenings up to the dawn hours are spent in front of the PC. i know, it's not obvious when you look at the content of my blog recently. i've been looking for a free server and am trying to figure out MT. i know i already mentioned this before, so i won't dwell on it.
i also didn't even take a nap yesterday. can you believe that? me, the former eternal sleepyhead. i think i was in front of the PC yesterday for more than 12 hours, stopping only for meals. granted, not all that time was spent online. my cousin came over in the afternoon and i helped her make something in Pagemaker. was also trying to complete the design for my site. the rest of the time was spent poking around online.
lately i find myself smiling more at the thoughts of certain foods. my appetite tends to go in cycles:
eat-as-much-as-you-want-whenever-you-want -->
eat-in-moderation -->
eat-only-because-you-have-to -->
skip-meals-and-eat-only-if-absolutely-necessary -->
eat-only-because-you-have-to -->
eat-in-moderation -->
eat-as-much-as-you-want-whenever-you-want --> and so on...
pretty crude diagram, but you get the picture. i'm at the eat-as-much-as-you-want-whenever-you-want phase right now. recently i've been enjoying those prepackaged breaded food from Monterey, specifically the Chicken Cordon Bleu and the Pork Nuggets with Barbecue sauce. the Cordon Bleu really cheered me up the other day when i finally arrived home after driving in heavy traffic. and we had pizza from Yellow Cab for merienda today.
early this morning, i spent more than half an hour pressing the snooze button on my cell and listening for the text message that would tell me that my patients were cancelled for today.
no text message arrived. i finally got up, showered and dressed for work. i was ready to leave and as i was about to step out of the house to get to the car, i stared disconsolately at the continuing heavy downpour. i went back in the house and called up the clinic. i was informed that they were cancelling all the patients for today and i was the last therapist to be informed.
yipee! i skipped around the house, feeling like a kid who has been granted an extra day of freedom.
the obsessive-compulsive part of me wants to get MovableType. i *love* the idea of being able to classify my posts according to category, and make so many more customizations otherwise. my only problem is i'm not a techie, and MT is a bit complicated to set-up. hopefully things will go well, then i'll transfer all my stuff to a new site. don't worry, i'll let you know once i do so. now that i know that there are people out there listening, i wouldn't want to disappoint you guys.
i also plan to make a whole new site when i do that, and will be adding stuff from my past as well. i'm doing that to satisfy myself, but you're welcome to stalk me if you want to.
i guess that's why i don't have much to post right now. also, besides blogging, i have 3 forums that i post regularly in, and it takes a while just to catch up. and then i have my list of blogs to read. speaking of which, i still have so many more links to add since i am continually discovering new blogs and interesting reads. so there. excuse me if i don't have anything substantial to post right now.
(don't mind me, i'm just ranting out loud. you just happen to be close enough to overhear me talking to myself.)
You know it only breaks my heart
To see you standing in the dark
Alone waiting there for me to come back
I'm too afraid to show
If it's coming over you
Like it's coming over me
I'm crashing like a tidal wave
That drags me out to sea
I wanna be with you
If you wanna be with me
Crashing like a tidal wave
I don't want to be
Stranded
Stranded
Stranded
So baby come back to me [Stranded]
So baby come back to me [Stranded]
I can only take so much
These tears are turning me to rust
I know you're waiting there for me to come back
I'm too afraid to show
If it's coming over you
Like it's coming over me
I'm crashing like a tidal wave
That drags me out to sea
I wanna be with you
If you wanna be with me
Crashing like a tidal wave
I don't wanna be
(Stranded)It's coming over you
(Stranded)It's coming over me
(Stranded)It's coming over you
I miss you
I need you
Without you
I'm stranded
I love you
So come back
I'm not afraid to show
Crashing like a tidal wave
Drags me out to sea
I wanna be with you
You wanna be with me
Crashing like a tidal wave
I don't wanna be
Stranded
It's coming over you [Stranded]
It's coming over me [Stranded]
It's coming over you [Stranded]
So baby come back to me [Stranded]
So baby come back to me [Stranded]
Coming over you
Coming over you
Coming over me
Coming over you
i heard the most outrageous thing on the radio on my way home. a new alternative to palm reading is... butt reading. yup, you heard me right. apparently this blind psychic in Germany can ascertain your personality and predict your future by feeling the lines on your bare behind. some celebrities reported him as credible, and he had supposedly made accurate predictions for them. it was also said that you could tell some personality characteristics from the shape of the butt, like if it was apple or pear shaped.
uh, right. how can a butt be shaped like an apple? too weird. i wonder how many people actually fell for this and allowed some stranger (he may be blind, but that doesn't make it okay for him to cop a feel) to touch their butts to find out about their future. how do people come up with these things??
picture this. having stayed up late last night reading a good book, you are thankful for a lazy morning in bed without any commitments to fulfull. while the rain pounds against the roof, you lie in bed, still half asleep, snug and warm under the covers. a piercing ringing interrupts the sleepy silence. you attempt to ignore it, but the phone continues ringing. you reluctantly slink out of bed and pick up the phone. "hello?" you ask in a groggy voice. a perky voice chirps back at you, "good morning. fax tone please." urgh.
i have just discovered something to add to my wishlist. nothing fancy, just a mouse with a scroll button. it is so much more convenient than moving the pointer to the scrollbar at the side of the page! that's the mouse i'm using right now at this internet cafe i'm at. i feel like unplugging it from the PC and taking it home with me. hehe. Ü but since i'm a good little girl, i'll just buy my own the next chance i have.
i watched Minority Report yesterday. i have been intrigued by the movie ever since i saw the trailer. the premise involves a Department of Precrime, where murderers are apprehended before they can commit the murder itself. "I arrest you for the future murder of so-and-so, ..." the twist in the story happens when the chief of Precrime (played by Tom Cruise Ü) is accused of killing someone in the future.
the visual effects and the future technology is awesome. i especially liked the cars and freeways, and the computer technology. definitely cool. the ending was ok, typical Spielberg happy ending. a darker ending would probably also be effective. but the thought that lingered with me when i stepped out of the moviehouse was the power of choice. no matter what possible future you have, you can always choose otherwise. you can not pin your future on what psychics see or on what other people expect of you. only YOU know what is in store for you, because you choose your own path. the greatest gift God ever gave us is our free will.
i am an addict in need of a fix. we brought the PC to the shop yesterday since it hangs pretty often and runs so s - l - o - w - l - y at times.
it's after dinner, and i feel fidgety and uncomfortable. if the PC was here i would be blogging away right now. if it wasn't raining, i would probably be at a nearby internet cafe, indulging in my addiction. heck, i am SO tempted to brave the rains anyway. the only problem is that the internet cafes are probably closing shop at this time.
wahh!! i admit it, i'm an addict. now can you PLEASE give me my PC back?
was supposed to bring my sister to the dorm this afternoon. the continuous heavy downpour made us give it a second thought. knowing the streets of Manila, there would probably be enough water on Taft Ave. by now to paddle a small canoe.
to my sister: sorry, dearie, much as i love you, i refuse to steer the car with an oar instead of the steering wheel. you'll just have to do your studying here at home. besides, since our TV is on the blink, and i'm hogging the PC, there won't be too many distractions for you.
such a rainy day today. as a result, most of my patients cancelled on me. it's such a hassle to drive all the way to Makati for just one patient. but then again, that kid came all the way from Nueva Ecija, so i shouldn't be complaining.
it's a good thing the car didn't stall in the flooded streets. heck, it's a good thing the car started, since i left it with the headlights on by accident.
just a few months ago, a downpour of rain would have made my day. right now, it's a bit much though. or maybe i'm just sourgraping since i don't have anyone to snuggle with. oh well.
1. Where are you right now? at home. blogging when i'm supposed to be doing something else. *guilty smile*
2. What have you lost recently? uh... sleep?
3. What was the first CD you ever purchased? Does that embarrass you now? i think it was Handpainted Sky by Color it Red. nope, it doesn't embarass me. why should it? it's a cool CD.
4. What is your favorite kind of writing pen? i used to use sign pens all the time, but they're a bit expensive and the ink tends to leak through to the other side. so now i'm a gel pen addict.
5. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? my all-time favorite is Pralines n' Cream from Baskin Robbins. lately, i also like Goo Goo Chunks from Selecta. weird name, but trust me, it's pretty good.
if you could have whatever life you wanted, what would it be?
i would reduce my days working as a therapist to 3 or 4. i would become a freelance writer on the side, and i would take courses in web design, photography, and writing. and masterals in OT. i would be an expert in pediatric OT, a consultant for schools and the like. i would deliver more lectures and seminars. i would manage our clinic program and supervise interns.
i would have enough time for going out with friends, and pursuing my hobbies. i would attend SFC, CWG (weird of me, aren't they a bit contradictory?), have time for badminton, wall-climbing, and other sports. i would take personal growth seminars and whatever else catches my fancy. i would have time for my family. and i would have a wonderful SO whom i would also spend a lot of time with. and on top of all that, i would travel. and i would blog it all.
so what am i waiting for? why am i not creating the life that i want yet?
did a wee bit of tweaking to the layout. watcha think of the font size? took me a couple of hours to figure that one out. wasn't sure what tag to change in the style sheet thingie. then suddenly, it hit me. i should make a whole new tag! (hey, don't laugh, i'm new to this html thing.) besides, i was multi-tasking.
now, all i have to figure out is how to organize my links. hmm.
have spent the whole day in front of the PC. again.
first patient was cancelled due to the heavy rains, my second patient was re-scheduled for a different day. had a school visit this afternoon, which was also cancelled due to the rains. i had dressed up and headed out already when the text regarding the cancellation came. good thing i wasn't out of the subdivision yet.
our helpers were surprised to see me home already. i told them, "i just wanted to get the car wet and then i went back."
1. Anything new about you? Hair? Look? Style? well, my hair is newly dyed. cinnamon. hehe.Ü it doesn't show that much, except in direct light.
2. What new song do you fancy right now? hmm... none in particular. any song that i can sing along to.
3. What kind of new stuff have you bought lately? CDs, DVDs, books, etc.? books, as usual. don't worry, you'll probably be reading here about every book that i buy.
4. Learn anything new recently? unfortunately not. i've been thinking about taking up further studies, i don't want to become stagnant in my profession. but the problems is that there are too few options for masteral studies for OT here in the Philippines.
5. Who's your new crush or object of affection? none as of now. any volunteers? *kidding*
6. Have you met anyone new who's cool and interesting? although i went to an EB recently, i didn't really meet anyone new. rather, i didn't talk to anyone new for long enough to find them "cool and interesting".
7. Has something new happened in your life? If not, what new thing would you like to happen? i would like to wake up with a smile on my face and look forward to another new day. don't get me wrong, i'm reasonably happy. but i'm also aware that there could be so much more happiness in my life.
i spent most of this day reading Flux by Stephen Baxter. (on a side note, why do i always find myself writing reviews of the books i read and the movies i see?) as it says on the back cover, Flux is "very, very hard SF". in the past, i have been mostly drawn toward fantasy books, it is only now i've read some good science fiction. i believe fantasy and SF books are a means of escape, escape into a world entirely different from your own. it is comforting because it gives you some place else to be, somewhere that is neatly confined to the pages of the book. except that it is not always safe, and although happy endings abound for the majority, you aren't left with the fuzzy feeling of a feel-good Disney movie. there is a feeling of emptiness and awe, of wonder of the world around you. it makes you think of ideas and possibilites infinitely larger than this world you see around you, and infinitely smaller as well.
In Flux, the humans live inside a neutron star (whatever that is) and are the size of subatomic particles compared to us. they live in a hollow world, with the Mantle above them and the Quantum Sea below. the world around them is changing, and they are left grasping at straws to survive and to understand their place in the universe. it makes you pause and think about our knowledge of our world. as a race, humans believe that they are at the top of the heap, that we (hey, i'm one of you, remember?) have conquered it all. but can you even begin to imagine if we were only the tiniest speck in a larger design? it makes you feel tiny and insignificant, so most people block these ideas off from their consciousness, and continue to accept pre-fabricated truths of others and plod along their daily life. but deep inside, the questions remain. who am i really? why am i here? i may not have the answers, but at least i'm not afraid to ask the questions.
it just goes to show how much you should trust online quizzes...
Are you Addicted to the Internet?
38%
Newbie (21% - 40%) You've started to learn that there is more to the internet than AOL. You've recovered from that email virus that wiped your hard drive and are thinking of getting DSL. You still tend to forward too many jokes and inspirational thoughts via email to your entire address book.
"One day, after mankind has mastered the winds and the waves and the tides and gravity, we will harness for God the energies of love, and then, for the second time in human history, mankind will have discovered fire." -- Pierre Theilhard de Chardin
"For small creatures as we, the vastness is bearable only through love." -- Carl Sagan in Contact
watched The Others. it's a good scary movie. well, i'm not sure whether the likes of you would be scared, but i have a tendency to get really involved in mvies and scare easily. that's why it's best for me to watch suspense/horror movies at home instead of in the theater. oh, and here's a tip: during the scary/suspenseful parts, cover your ears and not your eyes. that way, you'll still see what happens but at a less intense level than if you were hearing the scary music or sound effects.
i love stories that turn out differently from what you expect. The Others is one such movie.
also finally finished reading Contact. this is one of the few books that took me more than a few days to read. well, that was probably due to my accidentally leaving it in the clinic last week and retrieed it only yesterday. it's a bit heavy on the science, but an interesting read nonetheless. it makes you think about stuff such as extraterrestrial life, the origin of the universe, the vastness of the cosmos, the meaning and purpose of life. pretty heavy stuff. these are the issues most people prefer not to think about since it seems too much to handle before bedtime. but we all gotta face this stuff sooner or later.
i don't know how people stand living alone. it is definitely not for me. with my mom on a vacation and my sister in a dorm, i find myself looking for more reasons to stay out later, to avoid coming home to an empty house. well, not technically empty, but it sure feels like it.
even if there are days i don't interact much with my family (i either hole up in my room or in front of the PC), it's a comfort to know that they are there.
in other cultures, people leave home as soon as they are able. that could never work for me. i mean, being independent is fine, but coming home to an empty house day after day... that would probably drive me to the brink of insanity. i remember rooming in a dorm with seven of us in the room, and our room being the "social center" of the dorm with people dropping by to chat (and to share our food). those days were fun. i do value some quiet time alone, but if i had to leave home, that would be the place for me.
*kidding*
